what if every blade of grass was a penis?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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