Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
