my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize