He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
