Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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