it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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