Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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