This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
