is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
