dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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