it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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