I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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