i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
