thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
