i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
As shirtless as possible
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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