i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
