Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
