Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Shame is for Republicans.
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