i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
