Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
