I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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