Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
