I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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