I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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