Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Someone shattered a urinal.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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