i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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