your parents love me but you hate me
I cockslap morals
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
