I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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