So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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