i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
