dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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