I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
