her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Your cock deserves a montage
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize