Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
