Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
