party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So much Jack, so little girl.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
