Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
