"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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