I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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