There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
