are you still at the devil's house?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
