We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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