Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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