Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
