you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
