just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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