Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
