We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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