They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
