You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
