Your face is a jimmy john
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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