i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
