if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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