you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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