i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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