My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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