I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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