worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
