we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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