I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
