i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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