I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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