If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
