My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
