Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
