I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
