there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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