dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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