shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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