apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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